Motivation and Mothering

My motivation level is so low these days....I used to get excited about cleaning and organizing, being able to imagine the final product...now it just doesn't do it for me! I think I am feeling overwhelmed this year and my perfectionistic gene tells me, "if you can't do it all, don't bother" Every time I go to clean, I am discouraged by what I see. The dog has added yet more work, as she noses against the sliding glass doors creating lovely smudges.

My mind always flashes back to a childhood memory of a bed making lesson. I couldn't get those "hospital corners" right and my mom kept tearing the sheets out, insisiting I do it again. It was a long drawn out lesson that left us both in tears.

My parents always expected a lot from me and for the most part, I delivered. That was my job. I was their last and in some ways, their "last hope". I don't say that to dishonour my siblings. They are all wonderful people. It's just the way it is with the baby of the family....a lot is given, but a lot is expected. My parents loved me, I knew that, but I wasn't always sure I was pleasing them. Something was always held back in terms of praise. It's hard to be critical of my parents, considering they are both gone and I rarely talk about them in any kind of negative light. They were parents who tried their very best. I think my mom was pretty tired. She was 39 when I was born and had already been through a lot in life. Her "real age" as Oprah would say was probably more like 49.

It's hard not to make the same mistakes my parents did. I see myself expecting so much from Madeleine. I always want to make sure I praise her genuinely and show her unconditional love and acceptance. Sometimes I forget she is only 5. She is so capable and I wonder how much of that is what I've made her.

Sometimes I baby Chelsea. She is my youngest and seemingly my last. I just want to make everything last longer with her. I would never have carried Maddie at four, but I find myself consenting to lug Chelsea around. I need to make sure I instill confidence in her and not do everything for her.

It's all very complicated and more than I'd like, I hear my parents' words directed at my kids through me. Through some reading, I'm relearning how powerful words can be, to hurt or heal. I know that to be true. I'm praying today that God will help me to be an encourager and a healer to my kids. I want them to remember wonderful words I've spoken to them. Words of praise, words of confidence and words of truth.