Alone.

I was able to spend some time alone this weekend. I had the rare occasion of being the only one home on Saturday and Saturday night. Mike had taken off with his brother for a weekend of surf and sun in Tofino. Maddie and Chelsea spent Saturday with Grandma and Grandpa. They were delighted to have a sleepover there with Anjeleigh, their cousin. So, there I was, Saturday morning with the day stretched out before me. I decided it was too nice to be inside so I spent the better part of the morning working on my back garden. I bought some fall plants and planted them in the spaces where some colour was needed. Then I watched some TV, read part of my book and just rested. I went over to my aunt's and had a wonderful salmon dinner. Then, to my pleasant surprise, my friend Bonnie, came over to do some scrapbooking.

It was a bit weird to be alone in the house at night, but Bella kept vigil right by my side. Mind you, that was after she waited on the landing, perking up her ears at every car that went by. I guess she gave up on Mike after a while.

It was a really nice break, but it was equally as nice to have those little voices back in the house.

Maddie told me today that she is ready to go back to school. That's a good thing. I guess summer was just long enough. Chelsea is excited to be able to play on all the playground this year. It's a grade 1 privilege! I can't believe that we're finished with the whole preschool phase. It's a bit melancholy for me in some ways. I've been looking back on video and pictures of those sweet baby, toddler and preschool days. It's so weird for me to think they are over for good. So much of parenting right now is letting go. The other day I took the girls out on their bikes. Chelsea has just mastered the two wheeler but still needs help getting started. As I hold on to her wobbly handlebars, she chants...."1, 2, 3.....OK, Mom let go!" It's a little hard for me to take my hands off her bike and let her go. I'm exposing her to the risk of falling and skinning a knee. It feels strange in a way, to just let go.

I know the letting go will get harder. Soon, it won't be about bikes and skinned knees. It will be about going to friends' houses, sleepovers, activities......yikes. Sometimes I'd just like to keep them home and shut the world out. That's not what it's all about though. I need to teach them to be salt and light. I need to find a balance between letting go and holding on. I need to be with them and help them, yet trust them to make decisions on their own. Parenting preschoolers was tough, but I think this next phase is going to require more wisdom than I have.

In the midst of my thinking about parenting, I was feeling grateful last night for the full life I've been given. I have a wonderful husband and two amazing, smart, thoughtful daughters. I have more food than I need, more house than I need and money to spend. (Welll, I will have some to spend once I get paid again!!) I am in good health and have extended family that love and care for us. What amazing gifts.....God has brought me here by His grace. From a 13 year old who lost her mother to cancer, confused and distraught, wondering why God had abandoned her to a 36 year old, confident in God, blessed by His riches and overflowing with thankfulness. I love looking back and seeing the thread of God's plan through my life. Amazing.

Anyhow, what a strange post.....my mind is all over the place tonight. Mike should be home soon and I'm glad. Look what happens when I have too much time alone to think!! :)